a great loss

On Tuesday, December 18th, Dave and I found out we had miscarried. We were 10 weeks pregnant with baby number two when unusual and heavy spotting along with the lack of pregnancy symptoms lead us to our midwife's office a few days before our scheduled appointment. Because I hadn't been "feeling" pregnant for the last week, or so, I had been thinking a lot about the possibility of a miscarriage. I think the Lord was preparing me for dealing with this loss. I know the statistics. I know that one in three pregnancies ends in miscarriage and most happen at or before 10 weeks. I also know that with as many kids as I would love to have, it was a great possibility that one, or more, of our pregnancies could end this way. Even knowing all the "facts" doesn't prepare you for the ache in your heart. As the sonogram was being preformed, Dave and I looked to the screen hoping that maybe everything would be completely normal and we would see our inch long baby complete with arms, legs, fingers, toes and a heart that had been beating for the past 5 weeks. Instead we saw an empty womb...nothing was there. As sad as I was, I wasn't surprised and the Lord's strength filled both of us. It's called a blighted ovum and it happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. We left the doctor's office sad and confused and we tried to find some things to be thankful for. We are so thankful that this happened early in the pregnancy. We are grateful we found out before all of our family arrived for Christmas. And because the due date would have been in the middle of the summer...which means we wouldn't have been able to go to kamp...we are very excited that we can now go to Kanakuk. There are still some things that make me very sad. I'm sad that Zoey isn't going to be a big sister... right now anyway. I'm sad that our first two kids won't be 17 months apart and I'm sad that we have to wait a few months before we can try again. When I try to put everything in perspective, I scold myself because those are such silly things. Zoey didn't even know she was a big sister...having babies 17 months apart is incredibly challenging...and we don't decide when we get pregnant, God does. Sometimes it's so difficult to convince your heart of the truth you know in your head. On Thursday, December 20th, I had a minor day surgery called a D&C (Dilation and Curettage). It was painless and quick and we were so thankful the hospital was able to squeeze us in before Christmas. God was so good to us...even down to the little details. The major theme that has been on my heart while processing everything is God's faithfulness. God is still God even when difficult times affect my life. My prayer had been that we wouldn't miscarry and that the baby would be healthy and strong. God didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to. But that doesn't change who He is. He is still a loving and merciful God. He still wants the best for my life. His ways are not my ways and I can rest in that. Believe me...I have had some rough days where I just cry into Dave's shoulder and tell him how badly my heart hurts. It's ok to grieve a loss. But through it all, the Lord has shown us the true gift we have in our salvation and our relationship with Him. He has also shown us the gift we have in Zoey...which means "life" in Greek. I am so thankful that I had the experience of being pregnant and nursing a baby. If I am never able to get pregnant again, I will always be grateful for the opportunity He gave me with Zoey. Our precious gift of life.

Happy 1st Birthday, Zoey

I can't believe we have a one year old daughter. People kept telling me how fast time flies by when you have a baby. But, you don't really understand it until you reflect on the past year and you think back to the tiny 7 pound baby you brought home from the hospital. The most difficult thing we had to worry about was keeping her awake long enough for her to eat. Now she is one year old and waves bye-bye, eats big people food and loves to read books and play. This past year has been amazing and even with all the ups and downs it has been the best year ever.

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I thought I would share a couple of pictures from Zoey's birthday party. It was a lot of fun. We started off with presents and, of course, we let her have a chunk of birthday cake to eat by herself. She messed with it and ate some of it but she did not like having her hands covered in icing. We finished off the evening with a much needed bath and a lasagna dinner. Over all it was a wonderful celebration of Miss Zoey Michele.

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Thank you to Daddy, Grandpa, Papa, Grammy, Unka Rone, Aunt Rika, Uncle Eddo, Aunty Alix, Uncle Larry, Aunty Lisa, and Uncle Bob for making the party a huge success.

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4 teeth in 16 days...what a trooper

Even though in this picture you can only see 4 teeth, Zoey actually has 6 teeth total. And the poor darling recently got her 4 top teeth in 16 days. The amazing thing was that she was a doll the whole time. She never acted like sharp, pointed, bone-like pieces were piercing her tender flesh. Ouch!

We are so excited about celebrating Christmas this year. Not only is Dave's dad, Don, coming down from Pittsburgh, my aunt Lisa, uncle Bob, cousins Erin and Kyle and friend Maury are coming in from Jacksonville, Florida to celebrate with all of us.

We hope you have a wonderful Christmas, too. Without Christmas there would be no "holiday" season!!!

new pics posted on flickr

Happy Thanksgiving

Our Thanksgiving Day began very early as we caravaned with my family to downtown Dallas to run/walk the 40th annual Turkey Trot. We, along with 30 thousand other people, bundled up and had a blast. Dave ran the 8 mile course and the rest of us tackled the 3 mile fun run course. My dad ran ahead while my mom, Josh, Erika, Zoey and I walked the 3 mile course. We walked until Erika started pushing Zoey in the stroller. Every time the crowds parted, Erika and Josh took off running. I would look up and they were 20 feet ahead of me. I was quite a site running to catch up with them while cheerios are flying out of my hands. Another rookie mistake. Zoey did great considering it was her nap time. As long as we kept the snacks coming, she was fine.

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Josh and Erika left for Oklahoma as soon as the race was over. My folks and Dave, Zoey and I had our traditional IHOP Thanksgiving Day breakfast. After that, we went back to their house, rested and watched football. We decided to have a low-key dinner...fried chicken from KFC. We're planning a big Christmas celebration with a bunch of family and since it was only the 5 of us for Thanksgiving, no one wanted to spend all day cooking. It was so nice and relaxing.

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I love holidays and vacations. It's such a treat having Dave home for a few days. He really gets a chance to hang out and play with Zoey. Today we took her to the park. She played on the swings and went down the slides. She had a blast. Everything is so new and exciting to her. I have a tendency to take things for granted, but when Zoey experiences something for the first time, we get to enjoy it with her. When was the last time I played on a swing or went down a slide? It's so much fun. I can't believe we're only a few weeks away from her first Christmas and her first birthday. Sometimes I stop and look at her...I still can't believe I'm a mom of an 10 1/2 month old little girl. What a blessing she is to our family.

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I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

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new pictures posted on Flickr=

Zoey's Christmas/Birthday Wish List

A lot of you have been asking what Zoey would like for Christmas and her first birthday. Below you will find a few ideas of things she might like. Dave and I are so thankful for how you all love on Zoey. Nothing makes us happier than knowing you care for our little girl. Thank you for being such a wonderful family...friends are family, too...to Zoey Michele. This has been an amazing first year with her and we look forward to many years and holidays to come. Again, these are just suggestions. She is truly happy playing with my keys and Dave's school ID badge. Anything she might receive as a gift will be treasured.

Anything and Everything written by Sandra Boynton

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin, Jr

Books, books, and more books with lots of pictures and rhymes

Time For Bed Book by Mem Fox

Animal Toys

Little Champs Sports Center

Shape Sorter

Infant/Toddler Steelers Gear

Winter Clothes size 24months/2T

Our Little Pumpkin

Today we took Zoey to her first pumpkin patch. A word of advice: don't go to a pumpkin patch on the Sunday before Halloween. It was a zoo and we didn't stay very long. We were just glad that admission was free. So, we wanted to get some great pics, right? We sat her in a pile of straw (which she loved and wanted to eat) and tried to get her to look at the camera (which she didn't want to do because, heck, she's sitting in a pile of straw surrounded by pumpkins). Actually, she did very well and we even got a few pics of her looking at the camera AND smiling. I love that she's holding one of the little pumpkins. Also, today Zoey is 10 months old. We went to see Dr. Day on Friday and here are her stats...

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19lbs, 6.4oz (50%)

29 1/2 inches (93%)

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She is "talking" all the time, now. We've added cheese and bite sized pieces of banana to her diet and Dr. Day says we can add yogurt and meat, too. Pretty soon she's going to be eating right off our plates. Maybe she'll be ready for a turkey leg by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. Yummy!!!

new pics posted on Flickr

happy birthday, dave

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Dave turned 36 years old today. To celebrate, Zoey and I took him out for breakfast tacos at one of his favorite places...Rudy's "Country Store" & Bar-B-Q. Zoey, of course, couldn't wait to give him his present. We got him an iPod shuffle. She really wanted to get him the pink one, but I told her, "Look, Zoey. Yes, you're the cutest baby girl on the planet, but you can't always get your way. Daddy won't use it if it's pink. Let's get him the silver one." She reluctantly agreed. But only if I let her wear the bow on her head during breakfast. Oh, alright.

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Zoey turned 9 months old on September 28th. She is getting bigger and stronger every day and she's becoming more of a little girl and less like a baby. She loves...holding onto the couch and walking back and forth, eating cheerios, touching every light switch in the house, banging on tables, smiling at herself in the mirror, when mama claps her hands, and when daddy comes home at the end of the day. She does not like...having her face wiped, changing her diaper/clothes, and when I leave her to play by herself. She has two universal words for everything. "MMM-BUH" and "UUUHHH". In the last day or two, she started mimicking smacking sounds with her mouth. It's amazing how much of a little sponge she is and picking up on so many things every day.

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new pics posted on Flickr