Independence

Zoey Michele...12/28/2006

Zoey Michele...12/31/2007

Last night I nursed Zoey for the last time. It was a very bitter-sweet moment. I have spent the last year of my life committed to doing this and because of that I've never been away from her for any extended period of time. It's been a challenge but I have loved every minute of it. Up until now she has needed me for nourishment and to sustain her life. But, over the last few months as she has been introduced to new foods in her diet she started nursing less and showing her desire for independence. Now that she is over a year old and drinking cow's milk, she can physically do without breast milk. I look at the picture from the day she was born and I cannot remember her being that little. She could do nothing on her own and she relied on us for everything. Now at a year old, 20 lbs 6.4 oz (45%) & 30.5 in (90%), she is not a baby anymore...but a toddler. I keep reminding myself that this is a good thing. She obviously can't nurse forever. Tonight Dave and I are going on a date. I can't even tell you when our last date was that didn't start at 8pm...after we put Zoey to bed. We're actually going to dinner AND a movie. So, as I say goodbye to this chapter in my life I am so thankful for the precious moments (actually hours upon hours) I spent nursing Zoey. It's something I will never forget. I hope to nurse again someday, Lord willing, but in case that never happens I will cherish these tender memories forever.

new pics posted on flickr

A Video Posting...How Cool Is This?

This is pretty much a test to see if posting video clips is worth it. Is it easy to view? Does it take forever to play? Does it play smoothly? In my opinion, nothing is worse than a choppy clip. I'd rather just not watch it at all...even if it is Zoey.

So, let's see if it passes the test...

a multiple choice question

There was a...
a) pig in our wig
b) cat on our mat
c) dog on our log
d) mouse in our house

The answer, my friends, is 'd'. There was a mouse in our house...actually in our garage...but my wonderful husband "took care of it." We started out with snap traps loaded with peanut butter. But after a couple days the traps were still loaded but the peanut butter was gone. Our next plan was to use what we used to catch seven mice in the kamp office one summer. Milky Way bars. And sure enough, after a few days of nibbling on nougat, we caught little Gus Gus. I find that it's not so gross if you name them cute names like the mice from Cinderella.

Interested in checking out lots of pictures from our first Christmas with Zoey? Click on the Flickr link and enjoy.

a great loss

On Tuesday, December 18th, Dave and I found out we had miscarried. We were 10 weeks pregnant with baby number two when unusual and heavy spotting along with the lack of pregnancy symptoms lead us to our midwife's office a few days before our scheduled appointment. Because I hadn't been "feeling" pregnant for the last week, or so, I had been thinking a lot about the possibility of a miscarriage. I think the Lord was preparing me for dealing with this loss. I know the statistics. I know that one in three pregnancies ends in miscarriage and most happen at or before 10 weeks. I also know that with as many kids as I would love to have, it was a great possibility that one, or more, of our pregnancies could end this way. Even knowing all the "facts" doesn't prepare you for the ache in your heart. As the sonogram was being preformed, Dave and I looked to the screen hoping that maybe everything would be completely normal and we would see our inch long baby complete with arms, legs, fingers, toes and a heart that had been beating for the past 5 weeks. Instead we saw an empty womb...nothing was there. As sad as I was, I wasn't surprised and the Lord's strength filled both of us. It's called a blighted ovum and it happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop. We left the doctor's office sad and confused and we tried to find some things to be thankful for. We are so thankful that this happened early in the pregnancy. We are grateful we found out before all of our family arrived for Christmas. And because the due date would have been in the middle of the summer...which means we wouldn't have been able to go to kamp...we are very excited that we can now go to Kanakuk. There are still some things that make me very sad. I'm sad that Zoey isn't going to be a big sister... right now anyway. I'm sad that our first two kids won't be 17 months apart and I'm sad that we have to wait a few months before we can try again. When I try to put everything in perspective, I scold myself because those are such silly things. Zoey didn't even know she was a big sister...having babies 17 months apart is incredibly challenging...and we don't decide when we get pregnant, God does. Sometimes it's so difficult to convince your heart of the truth you know in your head. On Thursday, December 20th, I had a minor day surgery called a D&C (Dilation and Curettage). It was painless and quick and we were so thankful the hospital was able to squeeze us in before Christmas. God was so good to us...even down to the little details. The major theme that has been on my heart while processing everything is God's faithfulness. God is still God even when difficult times affect my life. My prayer had been that we wouldn't miscarry and that the baby would be healthy and strong. God didn't answer my prayer the way I wanted Him to. But that doesn't change who He is. He is still a loving and merciful God. He still wants the best for my life. His ways are not my ways and I can rest in that. Believe me...I have had some rough days where I just cry into Dave's shoulder and tell him how badly my heart hurts. It's ok to grieve a loss. But through it all, the Lord has shown us the true gift we have in our salvation and our relationship with Him. He has also shown us the gift we have in Zoey...which means "life" in Greek. I am so thankful that I had the experience of being pregnant and nursing a baby. If I am never able to get pregnant again, I will always be grateful for the opportunity He gave me with Zoey. Our precious gift of life.

Happy 1st Birthday, Zoey

I can't believe we have a one year old daughter. People kept telling me how fast time flies by when you have a baby. But, you don't really understand it until you reflect on the past year and you think back to the tiny 7 pound baby you brought home from the hospital. The most difficult thing we had to worry about was keeping her awake long enough for her to eat. Now she is one year old and waves bye-bye, eats big people food and loves to read books and play. This past year has been amazing and even with all the ups and downs it has been the best year ever.

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I thought I would share a couple of pictures from Zoey's birthday party. It was a lot of fun. We started off with presents and, of course, we let her have a chunk of birthday cake to eat by herself. She messed with it and ate some of it but she did not like having her hands covered in icing. We finished off the evening with a much needed bath and a lasagna dinner. Over all it was a wonderful celebration of Miss Zoey Michele.

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Thank you to Daddy, Grandpa, Papa, Grammy, Unka Rone, Aunt Rika, Uncle Eddo, Aunty Alix, Uncle Larry, Aunty Lisa, and Uncle Bob for making the party a huge success.

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4 teeth in 16 days...what a trooper

Even though in this picture you can only see 4 teeth, Zoey actually has 6 teeth total. And the poor darling recently got her 4 top teeth in 16 days. The amazing thing was that she was a doll the whole time. She never acted like sharp, pointed, bone-like pieces were piercing her tender flesh. Ouch!

We are so excited about celebrating Christmas this year. Not only is Dave's dad, Don, coming down from Pittsburgh, my aunt Lisa, uncle Bob, cousins Erin and Kyle and friend Maury are coming in from Jacksonville, Florida to celebrate with all of us.

We hope you have a wonderful Christmas, too. Without Christmas there would be no "holiday" season!!!

new pics posted on flickr

Happy Thanksgiving

Our Thanksgiving Day began very early as we caravaned with my family to downtown Dallas to run/walk the 40th annual Turkey Trot. We, along with 30 thousand other people, bundled up and had a blast. Dave ran the 8 mile course and the rest of us tackled the 3 mile fun run course. My dad ran ahead while my mom, Josh, Erika, Zoey and I walked the 3 mile course. We walked until Erika started pushing Zoey in the stroller. Every time the crowds parted, Erika and Josh took off running. I would look up and they were 20 feet ahead of me. I was quite a site running to catch up with them while cheerios are flying out of my hands. Another rookie mistake. Zoey did great considering it was her nap time. As long as we kept the snacks coming, she was fine.

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Josh and Erika left for Oklahoma as soon as the race was over. My folks and Dave, Zoey and I had our traditional IHOP Thanksgiving Day breakfast. After that, we went back to their house, rested and watched football. We decided to have a low-key dinner...fried chicken from KFC. We're planning a big Christmas celebration with a bunch of family and since it was only the 5 of us for Thanksgiving, no one wanted to spend all day cooking. It was so nice and relaxing.

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I love holidays and vacations. It's such a treat having Dave home for a few days. He really gets a chance to hang out and play with Zoey. Today we took her to the park. She played on the swings and went down the slides. She had a blast. Everything is so new and exciting to her. I have a tendency to take things for granted, but when Zoey experiences something for the first time, we get to enjoy it with her. When was the last time I played on a swing or went down a slide? It's so much fun. I can't believe we're only a few weeks away from her first Christmas and her first birthday. Sometimes I stop and look at her...I still can't believe I'm a mom of an 10 1/2 month old little girl. What a blessing she is to our family.

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I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

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new pictures posted on Flickr=